Recognising this Long Emergency

Opening to a wider worldview and being with the guilt that arises

A few weeks ago I was at the Flourishing Diversity series of talks and events in London, a week long event hosted by University College London with, an impressive line up of guests from indigenous traditions of many different countries. As well as holding ceremonies and hosting listening sessions they gave talks about their situation, their culture and practices, what they need from us in the west.

Many are on the front line of defending life from the persistently encroaching destruction of the industrial system, putting their lives on the line for their ancestral lands.

I could feel the sense that this “emergency” that we are naming in the UK, or in my parish, or through the XR movement, has been happening for centuries. The destruction of peoples, of forests, of rivers and oceans, of living landscapes turned into industrial monocultures is not a new phenomenon. Some may feel it as a new emergency to respond to here, but it is so clear that my bit of this privileged culture has been shielded from the impact of our industrial system while others have been living its destructive, exploiting, ruthless side, for a long time.

Early in my Transition work I noticed that as we open ourselves to information about the crisis that is coming for the unsustainable globalised industrial system, as we understand  more about our interconnectedness, and we learn more about how much suffering is caused by my personal lifestyle, caught within systems I cannot change as well as things I can change, one of the feelings that will arise is guilt.

Guilt is a feeling that arises in relation to other people. It is a social emotion, and comes from the sense that I have hurt someone else.

Bert Hellinger, who founded Family Constellations as a way of healing trauma across generations, families and societies, observed after a long enquiry that guilt isn’t an absolute moral compass, but the thing that guards our belonging to the groups we depend on. We feel innocent when we balance our giving and taking with others in the group; when we follow the group rules, and when we honour the order of the group, giving each person the respect that is due to them.

So, for example, I can feel innocent in the west when we live in accordance with the expectations of western society if I feel our belonging is here. If my group doesn’t feel responsible for the consequences of our actions, we can feel innocent following this cultural norm.

Yet as we wake up and learn more about other people’s lives, as we start to see them as people we are not separate from us, for example the indigenous people still trying to hold onto their lands; or people displaced or in poverty, our sense of self, of identity and belonging may start to extend to include those others as well.

Similarly we start to feel how much we depend on the ecosystem of rivers, forests, seas. And then we may find a feeling of guilt arising, that we are taking too much and giving too little. That their suffering has something to do with me. As I drink my coffee I find myself asking, what do I give back to the coffee growers that is a fair exchange for that land in South America being used to grow my breakfast drink and not food for their families? I have to say, I can’t find any answer to that question.

Similar feelings arise when we learn more about the inequality and suffering of those in this country as well. My privilege exists at other people’s expense.

For me guilt and shame are two of the most difficult feelings to be with, because they are social emotions. They aren’t just in here, my pain. They are about my feeling of belonging and relationship with others. When others may judge me as bad, a new level of existential threat and anxiety can arise. How can I feel at peace, feeling guilt? When I feel shame, I feel a burning anxiety. Even if rationally I know I am physically safe, still my emotional wiring creates a big reaction, prompting me to act urgently to make things right. Without support and helpful frames this can be unbearable.

Working in the Transition movement I saw these feelings around a lot. I believe one way they worked unconsciously was to contribute to burnout – people trying to give endlessly to assuage feelings of taking too much. Being judgemental is another form – attempting to perfect myself to get some relief from feelings of guilt, and then projecting the guilt onto others, perhaps attacking them for their choice to fly, or eat meat, or something else.

I really appreciated the recent article by George Monbiot, challenging the frame that “we are individually responsible” for this system, when corporations, including those in the massively profitable and morally corrupt fossil fuel industry, have been persuading governments to create infrastructure that denies us basic and sensible choices – like cheap organic food, proper public transport or local, low carbon industries. And our choices do also play a part in creating this system.

I don’t accept the idea that guilt is just a thing that we shouldn’t be feeling. There are institutions that push inappropriate guilt onto us. Many of my friends were raised as Catholics, and the idea of original sin is to me profoundly harmful form of social control. But guilt is an appropriate response when I am taking too much, when my comfort comes at the expense of other people, when people and ecosystems are dying to provide petrol for my car, or my disposable fashion accessory. It motivates me to act, to repair damage if I can, to give more, or to take less.

Finding the balance between acting from guilt in helpful ways, without collapsing under its weight, attacking our friends, or burning out in our attempts to make up for imbalances that are beyond us, is a deeply difficult and necessary skill of our times. When we can hold all the contradictions and still act I think we are most likely to create mature and healthy response to widening our sense of connection and care.

I’m continuing to feel the discomfort, letting it prompt me to act, still feeling guilty, and mostly not too weighed down to respond. I don’t feel very competent at it, seeing myself do all the things I’ve described above – and allowing that feeling of incompetence along with everything else is also part of how it is.

Your response may be very very different. If any of this is helpful, I’m glad to not be alone!